"I understand," Corrin smiled a bit at that little laugh. "Control is so hard to build up and so easy to lose," the words came out with a familiar sigh.
"Back home, after I...first transformed, Azura gave me a stone that I could use to control it. But before that, I killed several people. Enemy soldiers. Almost monsters but...still people."
Her voice was distant, her face flat, as the memory rolled over her.
"They were attacking, even if I'd had control I wouldn't have had a choice. But it's still such a strange thing. Bones snapping between my jaws. Blood tasting like iron, skin like...uncooked meat."
She made an 'mm' noise and straightened up faintly, physically tugging herself from the memory, and then sucked in a deep breath to snap herself the rest of the way out of it.
"My point is, we all lose control from time to time. You just have to remember to stand up and try to keep it in the check the next time. You're strong enough to do it, I'm sure."
Corrin had never been. She'd had to cheat. But she wasn't going to say that out loud.
It was easy to forget Corrin's half-blooded nature at times. She had no objection to it, the woman had proven herself to be a stark contrast to Rhea and her ilk, and after Azura's story of dragons and how their blood flowed in the veins of royalty it painted a different picture. Not all dragons had to be like those of Fodlan, certainly.
"I certainly will try."
She tugged on Corrin's arm, trying to draw her out of that horrible memory. She felt the effects of it, and she didn't like how Corrin seemed off kilter. Clearly it was a painful, unwelcome thought.
"I have you to guide me back, after all. And Hubert."
Edelgard, if Corrin has not figured this out yet, has not had many truly kind people in her life. Or truly selfless ones looking out for her, either. Sure, she has subjects and those loyal to her, but that is a relationship of obligations in a lot of ways.
"...I know that I can pull through this. And I know that my fate is sealed, but knowing that you'll be here when I return...it..."
She shook her head again, looking away, trying hard to restrain tears.
As Edelgard looked away, Corrin's grip on her tightened faintly, as if she was expecting the other woman to stand up. She knew how Edelgard liked to press her emotions down, she could practically feel the tears the other wasn't shedding.
"That's the whole point of this bonding thing, right?"
She said with a small smile.
"And there's sense trying to hide wanting to cry when I can literally feel it. Not that you should hide it anyway..."
With that statement, with the understanding that nobody outside this room would see it, Edelgard's will to hold back the tears collapsed and she began to cry. Not loudly, not sobbing, just streams of leaking silver rolling down her pale cheeks. She was afraid, not of death, but of these new urges. She didn't want to hurt anyone around her. She didn't want to give up the sun, and she didn't want to do the things that she was going to be forced to do to survive as a vampire.
But this world didn't care.
So, she cried. She turned, burying her face against Corrin's shoulder, and she cried.
Rather than say anything (because what could she say?) Corrin just curled her other arm around Edelgard and drew her into a tight but gentle hug, holding the woman as she cried. One of her hands settled between her shoulders, rubbing in a small, slow circle with her palm.
Corrin knew how this could feel, she remembered crying, sobbing, when the death of her mother really sunk in, days after everything had happened in Hoshido. It was like all the emotions she hadn't had time to think about suddenly hit her at once.
And given what Edelgard was going through, this almost seemed worse.
Edelgard cried for several long moments, silently just letting it all out. She needed to, for once. Breaking down was alright if it was with the right people, and she knew Corrin wouldn't dream of judging her. The empathy flowing freely down the bond helped steady her, and the sensation did help. It calmed her, just knowing someone this close to her felt that way was an anchor. The gentle tug of Hubert held her even further in check, preventing her from backsliding into a worse fit.
When at last she stopped, her throat raw and cheeks stained red, she continued to clutch at her bondmate's shirt, but looked up with gratitude.
"I'm sorry...I've...not felt the need to cry like that in some time."
Corrin shook her head, keeping one arm hooked around Edelgard as the other came around to wipe at the tears on her cheek with the back of her hand.
"You have nothing to be sorry for," she pointed out carefully. "If I were in your position, I'd be crying like a baby half the time. So any time you need to cry, I'll be here."
"It is...simply not a reality I ever expected myself to be confronted with. To be in a position where to continue to exist, I would have to drain others of their own life's blood. It sounds so farcical, yet I've been mixing blood into my tea for months now."
It was ludicrous, frankly. It sounded so absurd. Yet, here she was.
"It's not so bad, not really. But such things...they're meant for stories. Not...not for reality. I should not be taking this so badly, though. At least I get to stay human-seeming."
"I mean...I can't imagine anyone would think that someday they'd be a vampire," Corrin pointed out, her voice perhaps slightly teasing. She was caught between thinking maybe she could help ease Edelgard's mood and also being uncertain that was even a good idea.
"But...as you get used to it, it will probably be much easier to control. And you'll have...mm. Food whenever you need it."
Was that basically her offering to let Edelgard drink her blood whenever she needed to? Yup. Although she couldn't quite bring herself to actually say that out loud.
"And I think we're all living in a story now. Witches and monsters and strange teleportation and mysterious wastelands...it is truly something out of a fairy tale."
Edelgard knew better than to refuse, though, so instead she nuzzled up against Corrin's shoulder, eyes tilted up to look into her Bonded's.
"But I am glad to know that if I must, I can. It seems strange to consider, but I wonder...if I'll develop a taste for anyone specific. Or if different people even taste differently"
Corrin was torn between being relieved that Edelgard didn't want to bite her, and concerned that Edelgard was going to be too picky about where she got her food. If she was in her position...well, she didn't know what she would've done, honestly. It was a question she hoped she never had to answer, either.
And at least this gave her something else to focus on, as Edelgard kept talking. Something, if not necessarily positive, at least less serious.
"Maybe it's like wine," she said after a thoughtful moment, with a small grin on her face. "Each person is a slightly different flavor, different age and...uh...vintage?"
Edelgard wasn't going to be picky. She trusted Hubert, and she had never been one with a love of food, exactly. She ate to keep going, not for pleasure.
"But it's probably true. Something I'll have to make notes of."
"It's...kind of a pasta? I think? I found it in a stall at the market, it was just these little tubes with cheese on top. It was honestly really good. We'll have to go get some later."
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unyieldingmarch) wrote2015-09-30 10:14 pm
no subject
"Back home, after I...first transformed, Azura gave me a stone that I could use to control it. But before that, I killed several people. Enemy soldiers. Almost monsters but...still people."
Her voice was distant, her face flat, as the memory rolled over her.
"They were attacking, even if I'd had control I wouldn't have had a choice. But it's still such a strange thing. Bones snapping between my jaws. Blood tasting like iron, skin like...uncooked meat."
She made an 'mm' noise and straightened up faintly, physically tugging herself from the memory, and then sucked in a deep breath to snap herself the rest of the way out of it.
"My point is, we all lose control from time to time. You just have to remember to stand up and try to keep it in the check the next time. You're strong enough to do it, I'm sure."
Corrin had never been. She'd had to cheat. But she wasn't going to say that out loud.
no subject
"I certainly will try."
She tugged on Corrin's arm, trying to draw her out of that horrible memory. She felt the effects of it, and she didn't like how Corrin seemed off kilter. Clearly it was a painful, unwelcome thought.
"I have you to guide me back, after all. And Hubert."
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Corrin (hey join my army) was all about the power of uniting people, after all.
"And we will be there, no matter what happens. I promise." She squeezed Edelgard's shoulders more tightly.
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Edelgard, if Corrin has not figured this out yet, has not had many truly kind people in her life. Or truly selfless ones looking out for her, either. Sure, she has subjects and those loyal to her, but that is a relationship of obligations in a lot of ways.
"...I know that I can pull through this. And I know that my fate is sealed, but knowing that you'll be here when I return...it..."
She shook her head again, looking away, trying hard to restrain tears.
"...It makes it more bearable."
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"That's the whole point of this bonding thing, right?"
She said with a small smile.
"And there's sense trying to hide wanting to cry when I can literally feel it. Not that you should hide it anyway..."
It's okay to cry, dang it.
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But this world didn't care.
So, she cried. She turned, burying her face against Corrin's shoulder, and she cried.
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Corrin knew how this could feel, she remembered crying, sobbing, when the death of her mother really sunk in, days after everything had happened in Hoshido. It was like all the emotions she hadn't had time to think about suddenly hit her at once.
And given what Edelgard was going through, this almost seemed worse.
no subject
When at last she stopped, her throat raw and cheeks stained red, she continued to clutch at her bondmate's shirt, but looked up with gratitude.
"I'm sorry...I've...not felt the need to cry like that in some time."
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"You have nothing to be sorry for," she pointed out carefully. "If I were in your position, I'd be crying like a baby half the time. So any time you need to cry, I'll be here."
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It was ludicrous, frankly. It sounded so absurd. Yet, here she was.
"It's not so bad, not really. But such things...they're meant for stories. Not...not for reality. I should not be taking this so badly, though. At least I get to stay human-seeming."
no subject
"But...as you get used to it, it will probably be much easier to control. And you'll have...mm. Food whenever you need it."
Was that basically her offering to let Edelgard drink her blood whenever she needed to? Yup. Although she couldn't quite bring herself to actually say that out loud.
"And I think we're all living in a story now. Witches and monsters and strange teleportation and mysterious wastelands...it is truly something out of a fairy tale."
no subject
Edelgard knew better than to refuse, though, so instead she nuzzled up against Corrin's shoulder, eyes tilted up to look into her Bonded's.
"But I am glad to know that if I must, I can. It seems strange to consider, but I wonder...if I'll develop a taste for anyone specific. Or if different people even taste differently"
no subject
And at least this gave her something else to focus on, as Edelgard kept talking. Something, if not necessarily positive, at least less serious.
"Maybe it's like wine," she said after a thoughtful moment, with a small grin on her face. "Each person is a slightly different flavor, different age and...uh...vintage?"
She was pretty sure that was the right word.
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Edelgard wasn't going to be picky. She trusted Hubert, and she had never been one with a love of food, exactly. She ate to keep going, not for pleasure.
"But it's probably true. Something I'll have to make notes of."
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She hummed softly, as if tracing her thoughts with the sound, and then it devolved into a little giggle.
"Maybe you can mix it with food?" A beat. "Like...Macaroni and cheese blood?"
What? It could be good.
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Edelgard has no clue. She knows what cheese is, but the concept of Macaroni is foreign enough that she has to ask.
Good job, Corrin. You've distracted her.
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"It's...kind of a pasta? I think? I found it in a stall at the market, it was just these little tubes with cheese on top. It was honestly really good. We'll have to go get some later."
And mix it with blood, she supposed.