... In truth, not much. [ byleth sits next to her, looking mostly at her own hands. ] The Deer's Professor was... kind, even. [ somehow, that just made it harder. and yes, she's going to keep referring to him as if he's a completely separate person. ]
I'm... more troubled by what they represent. I hate knowing these things. I've seen too much of broken timelines already, but this... [ the abstract knowledge and being faced this directly with the mirror are two very different things. love, shame and anxiety dominate the bond.
it's difficult to bear seeing direct proof of a world where she stood against her. ]
[Edelgard doesn't hesitate to press in close, sliding her arm around Byleth and drawing her in close. The bond again radiates love, but it also pulses with something else. Understanding, focus, and the intense desire to make this right. There just isn't...there isn't...but she's got to maintain the feeling that she believes there is.]
You don't need to worry about them, Byleth. They represent shards of a shattered reality. A reality that is not the truth. Put them from your mind, if you can.
As empty as I was. [ byleth nods, nestling in against her. she slips her free arm across herself, reaching for edelgard's hand. ]
... It doesn't make their experiences less real, El. [ as dismissive as she's tried to be of all of this, she's had to come to grips with that much. their realities being broken, false echoes doesn't change the fact that people have to live within them.
it doesn't change the fact that her potential for inaction is what sent them astray.
she shakes her head, very slightly. ] Sothis told me to cut my own path. How lost must I have been, not to listen?
[ she's certain of precious few things, these days. but her depth of feeling for the woman next to her is always, always one of them. still, there's an almost lost look on her face as she speaks, love burning bright in the bond all the same. ]
[Edelgard couldn't. She barely understands some of this as is. Sothis, in particular, is totally new information for her. And it's...it's a lot.
But she doesn't stop from trying, holding Byleth close, guiding her head down to rest in her lap. It's a posture that Corrin seems to like, and other people seem to find comforting too, so...she's going to see if that works for her other Bondmate, too.]
But I could easily see Claude or Dimitri's charisma swaying you, one way or another. You didn't know us, when you were asked to make that choice. And...I wish I had a better answer than that, but I don't. I'm so sorry.
byleth's been held in this position before. by seiros, of all people. where that had been disquieting—nearly repulsive—this is different. it feels... nice. safe. she treasures these intimate moments with her, and this is no different. some of the distress in the bond melts away. she grasps edelgard's hand more tightly, looking up towards her from her position. what her bondmate is saying is reasonable enough, but she feels as if... there's an important point that edelgard needs to know. at least, for the version of herself that exists here and now. ]
You don't need to apologize... but know that I never considered them, even for a moment. [ she brings their joined hands to her lips, pressing a kiss to edelgard's knuckles. ] I saw darkness in Dimitri from the start, saw how empty Claude's smile was. You were different.
[Edelgard smooths out unruly curls, carding her fingers through Byleth's hair with the hand not being held, and tightens her grip with the one that is. She's still so bad at this, but feeling Byleth relax some and knowing that she's having the desired effect on her bondmate is nice.]
[ byleth hums tonelessly at the contact, smiling up towards her just a fraction. ]
You weren't presenting a front, El. You just... looked at me like you were evaluating me, back then. You had plenty of secrets, too... but I never felt like you were pretending to be something that you weren't. [ well. okay. except for the flame emperor thing, but that's basically the opposite of what she's talking about. ]
And... I thought I had those two figured out from the start. But somehow, you... were more open, but it seemed as if you were harder to grasp. I wanted... needed... to understand you.
I suppose I was evaluating you. You took me by surprise, and became a totally unexpected angle from which to attack my problems. I...when we met, I was definitely thinking of ways to use you. But it took you only a month to pass from someone I saw as a potential tool to someone I admired.
[Which is probably not the nicest thing to say, but she isn't going to lie about it. Byleth knows what Edelgard is like. There's no denying that is the truth, but she feels no shame for it, either.]
I know. [ her smile widens a little. she does know what edelgard is like, knows all of the things that she is. byleth loves her regardless—loves her for those imperfections, in part. ] ... I wasn't lying, either, when you appeared to Father and I after Remire. [ when she said that she would join the flame emperor's cause. ] I knew it was you, I think... I'm just not sure when I put it together.
[ she nods, pressing another kiss to the back of edelgard's hand, to one of her scars. edelgard had always treated her like a person, not a thing. even at the start. her strangeness hadn't unsettled her, she thinks, like so many others. ]
I don't think you did. But I remember, after that... you said that maybe someday, the Flame Emperor would appear to me without his mask, and I could look into his eyes and decide what to believe.
[It was a strangeness she was familiar with. A strangeness she could embrace, after a fashion. She had known what it was like to feel empty, and to have to live in a world where one had to appear whole and rational.]
...And that belief, I think...is what made all the difference.
[She leans down to press her lips to Byleth's forehead, letting strands of hair cascade down around them like a veil.]
I know those two attribute atrocities to me, but I have no memory of any of that. Because you taught me how to be my best self.
[ she exhales slowly, content and relaxed. she almost wants to turn her head up to kiss edelgard properly, but she'll settle for resting a hand on her cheek while she's close. byleth doesn't know if she would describe how she perceives her influence on edelgard in those terms, but she'll let it go.
she knows she helped her to be better than she otherwise might have been. the point remains. ]
Every time they talk about those things, like it's... somehow something I need to answer for... [ she smiles towards her, watching her eyes. ] It doesn't make me doubt you. It tells me I that made the right choice.
[ they took their humanity back together. edelgard had told her once that she believed without byleth's guidance, she might have lost herself on her path, her heart turned to ice.
a world where that happened doesn't bear thinking about. ]
[Edelgard doesn't doubt for a moment that it's difficult for Byleth, but she's not interested in Claude or another Byleth's opinions. Nor Dimitri, or any of these shades from other worlds, for that matter. They're frustrations, mild annoyances at best, even if they are unpleasant reminders of things gone wrong.]
And I want you to know...that you have nothing to answer for. They perceive a fraction of the truth. They do not know what we know. So they aren't worth the worry we're expending upon them. Unless they threaten us, and I doubt they will, all will be well.
[that helps. between the proximity, edelgard's words, the sheer intimacy of the moment... byleth's face flushes, the bond shining with love, gratitude, devotion—but she doesn't know what to say. she closes the distance between them, finally, leaning up slightly to kiss her. it's firm, almost desperate, like she doesn't know what else to do.
whenever they're alone together, it's as if nothing else matters. a focus enters the bond—she's the only thing on byleth's mind, in this moment. ]
[that pulse of love is all the warning she needs. Edelgard reaches both hands out to cup Byleth's cheeks and hold her close, kissing her just as fiercely. Affection comes more naturally to her now, when she's alone with her people.
Nothing else matters now, not Claude, or Dimitri, or the shade pretending to be Byleth. All that matters here is them. The here and the now.]
[ byleth lets out a soft sound into the kiss, sitting up and resting a hand on edelgard's shoulder as she deepens it, pushing close to her. it feels right.
they'll have the future they've worked for, she's sure of it. there's a flash of a platinum ring over the bond, a glimpse of the scenery at garreg mach's graveyard at sunrise. it's not something intentionally shared, but it's there regardless.
byleth captures edelgard's lower lip between her teeth, gently, before finally breaking off the kiss. still, she doesn't pull away from her. breathlessly: ]
I love you. [ she knows that edelgard knows. it was obvious even before they bonded... but even so. ] Never forget that.
[Edelgard takes the movement in stride, but the kiss deepening is a surprise. Almost as much as the image if a ring. It's not the time to bring that up, but it certainly is something she noticed. There's no avoiding the understanding of what that image means, and the bond fills with a melting sensation of affection and love. It bubbles up like magma, suffusing Edelgard's senses as she nods dazedly, stunned by the revelation instead of the lack of air.]
...And I love you.
[It's not words she thought she'd ever get to say, but here they are, whispered close, for Byleth's ears alone.]
[ her heart feels full to bursting, and she leans forward again, capturing edelgard's lips for a quicker kiss and huffing out a soft laugh as she breaks it off. byleth feels so lucky that the flow of time brought them together, that they were able to grow, change and fight for a future worth seeing. lucky that they were able to free each other.
she doesn't pull away. her voice is low and just as gentle. ]
Once we return... once I've recovered... would you meet me at the Goddess Tower? [ she means it as a hypothetical, of course. something for the future, and it's not as if edelgard will remember that byleth asked her this when it becomes relevant.
but she hopes that edelgard will understand what she means to suggest by it, all the same. ]
[Edelgard laughs. Soft, low, and sweet...she laughs. What kind of a question is that? Here she is with someone she loves in her arms, and she's being asked if she'll do something so simple as visit the tower?]
Of course. I would meet you at the gates of the Valley of Torment itself, if you asked it of me. The Goddess Tower is a given.
[She's learning to speak in a more flowery way! You can thank Ozymandias for that.]
[ byleth huffs out a laugh at that, touching her forehead to edelgard's. the flowery language is appreciated, and she realizes what her bondmate intends to convey, but all the same... it's touching. and it's nice to see her emperor making declarations like that. everything she's feeling from edelgard only feeds her side of the bond in return. again, love, joy, certainty. ]
Ailell isn't the place for promises, [ she says that neutrally enough, pulling back just enough to look at her. a smile tugs at her lips, despite herself. ] the Tower is. And... I have a gift and a promise for you, once we return.
[ she at least... understands that geardagas isn't the place for it, for a number of reasons. ]
[Edelgard nods, bumping foreheads with Byleth. She understands the image of the ring now. She really, truly gets it and it clicks into place with a steadily widening smile.
This is not the place for it, she agrees. They have only a few of their companions, and the added concern of friends turned foes from alternate timelines. There is also the matter of Corrin, and Saber, and the other people around them from other worlds to attend to. It's not a place that they can have the proper rituals observed.
But...]
I would. The first thing I want you to speak to me when we return home is that promise.
[ byleth's own smile widens at that, and she rests a hand on the back of edelgard's neck and pulls her closer. and maybe she just wants to hold el this time?? that'd be nice. ]
Then I will. I already decided I would, before Tailtean and Fhirdiad. Stone or not, my heart was yours.
Mm. I'll try to meet Her Majesty's expectations. [ byleth's smile widens at that, and she lets out a pleased sigh, keeping her close. though... something occurs to her, curiosity flickering in the bond. ]
Had you given... much thought to the idea of children? Before we were brought here.
[ look, never mind that they're more or less raising a child here in aefenglom. a precocious and capable child, but even so. back in the dream, it had definitely sounded to byleth as if edelgard was testing the waters there. ]
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unyieldingmarch) wrote2015-09-30 10:14 pm
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I'm... more troubled by what they represent. I hate knowing these things. I've seen too much of broken timelines already, but this... [ the abstract knowledge and being faced this directly with the mirror are two very different things. love, shame and anxiety dominate the bond.
it's difficult to bear seeing direct proof of a world where she stood against her. ]
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[Edelgard doesn't hesitate to press in close, sliding her arm around Byleth and drawing her in close. The bond again radiates love, but it also pulses with something else. Understanding, focus, and the intense desire to make this right. There just isn't...there isn't...but she's got to maintain the feeling that she believes there is.]
You don't need to worry about them, Byleth. They represent shards of a shattered reality. A reality that is not the truth. Put them from your mind, if you can.
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... It doesn't make their experiences less real, El. [ as dismissive as she's tried to be of all of this, she's had to come to grips with that much. their realities being broken, false echoes doesn't change the fact that people have to live within them.
it doesn't change the fact that her potential for inaction is what sent them astray.
she shakes her head, very slightly. ] Sothis told me to cut my own path. How lost must I have been, not to listen?
[ she's certain of precious few things, these days. but her depth of feeling for the woman next to her is always, always one of them. still, there's an almost lost look on her face as she speaks, love burning bright in the bond all the same. ]
How could I not see where I belonged?
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[Edelgard couldn't. She barely understands some of this as is. Sothis, in particular, is totally new information for her. And it's...it's a lot.
But she doesn't stop from trying, holding Byleth close, guiding her head down to rest in her lap. It's a posture that Corrin seems to like, and other people seem to find comforting too, so...she's going to see if that works for her other Bondmate, too.]
But I could easily see Claude or Dimitri's charisma swaying you, one way or another. You didn't know us, when you were asked to make that choice. And...I wish I had a better answer than that, but I don't. I'm so sorry.
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byleth's been held in this position before. by seiros, of all people. where that had been disquieting—nearly repulsive—this is different. it feels... nice. safe. she treasures these intimate moments with her, and this is no different. some of the distress in the bond melts away. she grasps edelgard's hand more tightly, looking up towards her from her position. what her bondmate is saying is reasonable enough, but she feels as if... there's an important point that edelgard needs to know. at least, for the version of herself that exists here and now. ]
You don't need to apologize... but know that I never considered them, even for a moment. [ she brings their joined hands to her lips, pressing a kiss to edelgard's knuckles. ] I saw darkness in Dimitri from the start, saw how empty Claude's smile was. You were different.
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...Different? [She can't stop herself.]
How so?
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You weren't presenting a front, El. You just... looked at me like you were evaluating me, back then. You had plenty of secrets, too... but I never felt like you were pretending to be something that you weren't. [ well. okay. except for the flame emperor thing, but that's basically the opposite of what she's talking about. ]
And... I thought I had those two figured out from the start. But somehow, you... were more open, but it seemed as if you were harder to grasp. I wanted... needed... to understand you.
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[Which is probably not the nicest thing to say, but she isn't going to lie about it. Byleth knows what Edelgard is like. There's no denying that is the truth, but she feels no shame for it, either.]
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I didn't exactly have the best disguise.
[She can admit that.]
I'm...not sure I believed you then. But I wanted to.
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I don't think you did. But I remember, after that... you said that maybe someday, the Flame Emperor would appear to me without his mask, and I could look into his eyes and decide what to believe.
[ byleth smiles. ]
I decided to believe in you, El.
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...And that belief, I think...is what made all the difference.
[She leans down to press her lips to Byleth's forehead, letting strands of hair cascade down around them like a veil.]
I know those two attribute atrocities to me, but I have no memory of any of that. Because you taught me how to be my best self.
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she knows she helped her to be better than she otherwise might have been. the point remains. ]
Every time they talk about those things, like it's... somehow something I need to answer for... [ she smiles towards her, watching her eyes. ] It doesn't make me doubt you. It tells me I that made the right choice.
[ they took their humanity back together. edelgard had told her once that she believed without byleth's guidance, she might have lost herself on her path, her heart turned to ice.
a world where that happened doesn't bear thinking about. ]
I've never regretted choosing you. Not once.
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[Edelgard doesn't doubt for a moment that it's difficult for Byleth, but she's not interested in Claude or another Byleth's opinions. Nor Dimitri, or any of these shades from other worlds, for that matter. They're frustrations, mild annoyances at best, even if they are unpleasant reminders of things gone wrong.]
And I want you to know...that you have nothing to answer for. They perceive a fraction of the truth. They do not know what we know. So they aren't worth the worry we're expending upon them. Unless they threaten us, and I doubt they will, all will be well.
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whenever they're alone together, it's as if nothing else matters. a focus enters the bond—she's the only thing on byleth's mind, in this moment. ]
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Nothing else matters now, not Claude, or Dimitri, or the shade pretending to be Byleth. All that matters here is them. The here and the now.]
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they'll have the future they've worked for, she's sure of it. there's a flash of a platinum ring over the bond, a glimpse of the scenery at garreg mach's graveyard at sunrise. it's not something intentionally shared, but it's there regardless.
byleth captures edelgard's lower lip between her teeth, gently, before finally breaking off the kiss. still, she doesn't pull away from her. breathlessly: ]
I love you. [ she knows that edelgard knows. it was obvious even before they bonded... but even so. ] Never forget that.
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...And I love you.
[It's not words she thought she'd ever get to say, but here they are, whispered close, for Byleth's ears alone.]
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she doesn't pull away. her voice is low and just as gentle. ]
Once we return... once I've recovered... would you meet me at the Goddess Tower? [ she means it as a hypothetical, of course. something for the future, and it's not as if edelgard will remember that byleth asked her this when it becomes relevant.
but she hopes that edelgard will understand what she means to suggest by it, all the same. ]
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Of course. I would meet you at the gates of the Valley of Torment itself, if you asked it of me. The Goddess Tower is a given.
[She's learning to speak in a more flowery way! You can thank Ozymandias for that.]
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Ailell isn't the place for promises, [ she says that neutrally enough, pulling back just enough to look at her. a smile tugs at her lips, despite herself. ] the Tower is. And... I have a gift and a promise for you, once we return.
[ she at least... understands that geardagas isn't the place for it, for a number of reasons. ]
If you think that you might accept.
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This is not the place for it, she agrees. They have only a few of their companions, and the added concern of friends turned foes from alternate timelines. There is also the matter of Corrin, and Saber, and the other people around them from other worlds to attend to. It's not a place that they can have the proper rituals observed.
But...]
I would. The first thing I want you to speak to me when we return home is that promise.
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Then I will. I already decided I would, before Tailtean and Fhirdiad. Stone or not, my heart was yours.
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...And my heart was yours, long before that.
[She...just isn't going to hide that, any longer.]
I'm sure hearing it will be worth the wait.
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Had you given... much thought to the idea of children? Before we were brought here.
[ look, never mind that they're more or less raising a child here in aefenglom. a precocious and capable child, but even so. back in the dream, it had definitely sounded to byleth as if edelgard was testing the waters there. ]
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