[He'd been quieter than usual, the two days following the mirror-dreams. That was hardly no surprise; even if Hubert would never admit it aloud, the Bond belied how shake he really was—by all of it, not only what he'd witnessed from Edelgard. So his thoughts turned inward, sometimes even sitting idly with no textbook or ledger in sight, lost in thought. Simply pensive, most of the time, but moments of anger or melancholy or conflict weren't rare.]
[But those two days were all. Hubert detested dwelling on the past too long, and so he forced himself to look forward, and move forward.]
[There was one point to start with. An unease, tinged a little with guilt, settles into his stomach as Hubert makes up his mind. He doesn't let that deter him. If anything, it has the opposite effect.]
Lady Edelgard, [he starts, his voice level as always.] I have something I must confess to.
[Hubert's melancholy is troubling, but not unexpected. He'd had a bit of a shakeup, to say the least. Some things were best left alone though, lest they cause more distress. Edelgard didn't want to press him, so she'd left it be. It wasn't as though it was easy to talk about in the first place.
The guilt she doesn't miss, though she simply attributes it to him feeling as though he should have saved her when they were but children, and she dismisses it.
When he approaches, she looks up. If he's ready to talk, she's ready to listen. She can support him through this as he supported her...]
[This seemed so much easier when it was just a conceptual idea in his head. But there was no point in dawdling, either. He clasps his hands casually behind his back.]
You've no doubt noticed me steering you away from my lab these last two months. I encountered a problem which required a specialized solution—unfortunately, in the form of a pair of trained rats.
[He takes a slightly deeper breath.] I haven't had need of them, lately. But I regretfully—
[Here, his even speech falters. That guilt creeps in more strongly, as does the unease. Hubert inhales deeply, his jaw clenching briefly around the unsaid words. He continues falteringly.]
—I am... loathe to admit that I have become... [and here, his voice lowers some, almost apologetically. Goddess, why was this so difficult to say?]—fond, of the beasts.
[She had noticed, she starts to say, but stops, mouth halfway open, when he confesses.
Rats.
She can't help the shiver and the shake in the back of her neck. The bond trembles for a moment, but she keeps it together thanks in no small part to Hubert's faltering words. She can't exactly fault him for using them in experiments. Or for doing what she'd suggested and opening himself up to things that make him happy.
But why did it have to be rats?]
...I...see.
[She takes a breath. He doubtless knew how hard this was for her, just thinking about the little things called her back to a childhood of horrors. But something in his stance, the guilt the bond...that made her pause and reconsider.]
[And in that trembling moment, he's so, so incredibly torn—that kneejerk reaction wanting to solve whatever the problem is. But... Hubert expected this. It's why he needed to tell her. His fingers clench behind his back. This felt so utterly selfish.]
[But that was the point, wasn't it? The matter felt no less cruel for it.]
That, or in my room. If I intended to ever bring them out, I would only do so when you are asleep. [The Bond was a huge boon for that. And thanks to his teleportation, the rats never needed to cross the space between his room or the lab.]
[His eyes dip down to the floor briefly, pensively. When Hubert meets her eyes again, it's unflinching and direct.]
I know what these creatures represent to you. [In a rare show, Hubert's voice was soft, not merely quiet or low—as close as he could manage, anyway. He knew, now. He knew. The dream and the Bond together had granted him a greater, more terrible understanding of the tragedy than he'd ever imagined.]
I recognize the enormous gravity of their presence. If this is too much, I will deal with them.
[Edelgard's eyes don't stray from his. The consideration and care he was taking with this was enough to frame it in such a way that she actually felt sorry for him. To think he'd been suffering through these considerations for weeks, potentially, was enough to give her an immediate answer.
She shook her head.]
...It would not be right of me to upend the life of an animal simply because of a memory.
[These rats were likely well cared for. Much like Heidi, or Ferdie. They were pets, as much as the snake. And Hubert clearly cared for them. If he didn't then he wouldn't have even asked. He'd have let them go long ago.]
They are welcome to stay. I will be fine. And they've done nothing wrong. Nor have you, my friend.
[It takes a moment, but she sets aside her teacup and rises, walking over to Hubert and putting her hand on his arm.]
Perhaps I could meet them. In stages. In...a cage at a distance, at first. But, if you've grown fond of them then they must have merits and I can, and should, overcome my fear of rodents.
[As well cared as they could be, at this stage. Hubert was... learning. Accepting that he'd come to care for them had taken time, and the man had never owned a true pet in his life—his familiar was largely self-sufficient, and uncaring. The suggestion he'd gotten that maybe the rats were a handful all the time because they were bored had even been surprise.]
[But it had been right. Hubert might still have a long way to go, but he was paying far closer attention to the troublemakers now.]
[Edelgard's answer, though... Hubert blinks, his brow furrowing slightly.]
You would... wish to meet them?
[He's at a loss for words, for the moment. That was not an answer he'd considered. But, considering the agreement he'd made with Leslie... perhaps this was addressable, too. How fitting, the two of them wanting to work on their fears at the same time. Perhaps later, he'd even suggest they speak to each other about the process.]
They are... infuriatingly clever. [Because of course their greatest merit would be intelligence. He was always drawn to that.] I knew rats were, to some degree, but I did not expect the depth of their resourcefulness.
[He pauses thoughtfully.] Perhaps, for now, I could merely speak of them? As a way of easing you into the idea.
[Edelgard nods, certain of herself even as she was uncertain of her ability to cope just yet. However...]
The only way to overcome fear is to face it. It may be a challenge, but I will overcome that fear.
[She will not be ruled by emotion. She will face her fear, it will pass over and through her, and only she will remain. She can do this. However, his suggestion is a wise one. There's no sense in rushing into anything, and she nods once more, with increasing confidence.]
That would be best, though. Once I'm familiar with them, I'll be more easily able to accept them without trouble.
[Hubert lifts a hand to touch her arm in turn, a brief acknowledgement, before breaking away to seat himself at the table.]
Their names are Dust and Cara, [he begins.] Dust is grey, fittingly, and the other brown and white. Originally I bought them for alchemy. Their senses of smell are delicate enough to detect traces of certain compounds that I would otherwise have no hope of discovering.
[A... very clinical introduction, but Hubert was like that.]
[Edelgard does understand, academically, magic and alchemy even if she's hardly able to practice here. It is an oddly specific thing to gather these creatures for, but certainly understandable.]
It's more of a "yes" or a "no." If they decent one of the substances they've been trained to, they react. It doesn't tell me which, but often knowing the compound is tainted alone is enough.
[He pauses briefly. Hubert's not quite sure what to say about them.]
Domestic rats and wild ones are rather different, I should clarify—not unlike cats. These are a little larger because of their steady diet and health, and they are very social creatures. The man that sold them to me insisted I take at least a pair. Apparently, many do very poorly alone.
They are also remarkably clever. [And there it is. It's faint, but there is a flicker of fondness in the Bond.] I've been training them to do more—simple things. Dust in particular takes to puzzles well.
[He chuckles. Hubert doesn't even realize his voice has warmed a little.] That troublemaker has even taken to figuring some things out on her own. She'd gotten out, once, without me realizing it. She brought me a pen she'd found on the floor; my guess is because she's never seen them anywhere else but with me.
[Edelgard takes her seat again, collecting her teacup and taking a sip. It's easy enough to listen to him talk, and to imagine cute little creatures. The bond helps, his clear fondness for them shining through.
Perhaps...this is a problem that can be solved. It will take time, yes, but she feels more at ease than when it started already.]
A pen, you say? That is impressive. You think she's taken a liking to you, then? It would seem so.
Of course she has; I feed them. [Hubert shakes his head, smiling wryly.] They might be quite intelligent for what they are, but they are still simple creatures.
[That's all there is to it, clearly.]
They are entirely motivated by their treats. Dust likely thought she could earn one by returning the pen.
[Hubert shifts, leaning back a little in his chair.]
...I suppose I did. [He absolutely did.] The rat might not be able to discern what is helpful and what isn't, but if she takes to bringing me out of place things, it could be beneficial at some point.
[And certainly not because there was an amusing novelty to Dust putting two and two together on her own.]
[Edelgard has no hesitation in saying that, now. She's relaxed a bit as she leans back, settling into the conversation. Yes, it's about rats, but she can manage.]
Hopefully it's less troublesome that Heidi. She brought me a dead lizard the other night. Strange show of affection, that.
[Even if a simple conversation is a far cry from being present with the beasts, he's pleased to watch her relax. It's the first thing that makes Hubert think this... might actually work, for Edelgard and Leslie both. The corner of his mouth crooks up.]
Mm. I would've thought you were accustomed to that by now.
[Hubert shakes his head.] Dust is her own brand of troublesome. I... admit the reason I've been reluctant to take them out of the cellar for anything is that she... is something of an escape artist. It's hardly been an issue since I've begun giving her puzzles and exercise, but I never could discern how she was doing it. [There's a flash of frustration, there—and something that was deeply impressed.] I refuse to be outsmarted by a rodent.
[Usually it's been bugs. Apparently she's graduated to some bigger prey, now. The perils of having to compete with Leslie's cat for game, she supposes.]
You...hmm.
[Okay, that makes her smile. The frustration there, and the fondness.]
Hubert, I believe you've been taking my advice to heart and finding ways to open yourself up.
[He chuckles lowly, and a little wryly. Really now, he'd thought she'd been getting murderpresents for years now.]
[The follow-up does render him silent for a few beats. Hubert bridges his fingers together, glancing aside thoughtfully to hide the flicker of sheepishness.]
...It isn't without difficulty, [He answers after a time. Great difficulty. He couldn't have chosen a rougher starting point with Dust and Cara, really.] And you give me too much credit. I had not intended for them to become... pets. [It sort of just happened, crept up on him so slowly he hadn't noticed.] That they are rats, of all things, took considerable time to accept.
[He's only spent half of his life killing them on sight, after all. Wild ones, anyway—not that the Hubert of even a few months ago would've made the distinction. But he had accepted them, despite knowing what symbols they were.]
[Edelgard chuckles right back, peering at Hubert with a curious, amused...but un-malicious expression. She doesn't want to tease him this time. She's just glad that he's doing something.]
That you took the time at all is a surprise, Hubert. And that you considered it difficult to even tell me, presumably for fear of me asking you to be rid of them, is another little indication that I'm right.
[Reaching out, she pats his hand with her own gloved one, beaming at him.]
[His gaze slides down to their hands, lingering thoughtfully. Why had he been reticent? The first fondness he'd felt towards the creatures felt equally like some kind of betrayal. Like falling in with the enemy, somehow. Because of Edelgard's circumstances with the beasts, he'd always dismissed rats as something lesser than even animals—a mere walking pestilence.]
[Hubert slowly turns his hand over underneath hers, both an offer and an acceptance of her words.]
I hardly think I realized I was doing such, at first. It wasn't difficult to continually rationalize reasons to keep them around. But... yes, you are right. I would rather not sell them off.
[His own words are a little surreal. That Hubert's first response would be to rehome them than kill the rats, had Edelgard rejected them, was something he'd never imagined. That in itself was a tremendous step.]
It's... strange. I've never felt the impulse to keep pets before. [He shakes his head slightly. Hubert's already asked, but part of him still couldn't believe the answer.] You... truly wish to meet them, sometime?
[It was indeed, and a step Edelgard had not missed. That made her smile, inside. She kept her expression light, hoping not to seem teasing to the man she held hands with. She didn't want that, at least, not right now. He had his own traumas, after all...and seemingly betraying her even a little was clearly one of them.]
I would indeed.
[Her fingers curl around his, gentle and light.]
I should not live in fear of something so ultimately harmless. I would be glad to. I should not stop attempting to learn and grow, even here. And that would be a bit of growth. Facing my fear...moving beyond my traumas. I think that will be important.
[Her smile might remain hidden, but hiding things from each other was so difficult, in this world. He felt her joy, and her commitment to the idea. True sincerity, not that Hubert had reason to doubt her.]
[Still, a ghost of a smile graces his face, and though his eyes remain thoughtfully averted, that sense of warmth fills the Bond again, directed at Edelgard.]
I see. When you are ready, tell me. I would be happy to facilitate this.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
unyieldingmarch) wrote2015-09-30 10:14 pm
Hella backdated to mid-April, post dreams
[But those two days were all. Hubert detested dwelling on the past too long, and so he forced himself to look forward, and move forward.]
[There was one point to start with. An unease, tinged a little with guilt, settles into his stomach as Hubert makes up his mind. He doesn't let that deter him. If anything, it has the opposite effect.]
Lady Edelgard, [he starts, his voice level as always.] I have something I must confess to.
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The guilt she doesn't miss, though she simply attributes it to him feeling as though he should have saved her when they were but children, and she dismisses it.
When he approaches, she looks up. If he's ready to talk, she's ready to listen. She can support him through this as he supported her...]
What is that, Hubert?
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You've no doubt noticed me steering you away from my lab these last two months. I encountered a problem which required a specialized solution—unfortunately, in the form of a pair of trained rats.
[He takes a slightly deeper breath.] I haven't had need of them, lately. But I regretfully—
[Here, his even speech falters. That guilt creeps in more strongly, as does the unease. Hubert inhales deeply, his jaw clenching briefly around the unsaid words. He continues falteringly.]
—I am... loathe to admit that I have become... [and here, his voice lowers some, almost apologetically. Goddess, why was this so difficult to say?]—fond, of the beasts.
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Rats.
She can't help the shiver and the shake in the back of her neck. The bond trembles for a moment, but she keeps it together thanks in no small part to Hubert's faltering words. She can't exactly fault him for using them in experiments. Or for doing what she'd suggested and opening himself up to things that make him happy.
But why did it have to be rats?]
...I...see.
[She takes a breath. He doubtless knew how hard this was for her, just thinking about the little things called her back to a childhood of horrors. But something in his stance, the guilt the bond...that made her pause and reconsider.]
You intend to keep them in the lab?
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[But that was the point, wasn't it? The matter felt no less cruel for it.]
That, or in my room. If I intended to ever bring them out, I would only do so when you are asleep. [The Bond was a huge boon for that. And thanks to his teleportation, the rats never needed to cross the space between his room or the lab.]
[His eyes dip down to the floor briefly, pensively. When Hubert meets her eyes again, it's unflinching and direct.]
I know what these creatures represent to you. [In a rare show, Hubert's voice was soft, not merely quiet or low—as close as he could manage, anyway. He knew, now. He knew. The dream and the Bond together had granted him a greater, more terrible understanding of the tragedy than he'd ever imagined.]
I recognize the enormous gravity of their presence. If this is too much, I will deal with them.
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She shook her head.]
...It would not be right of me to upend the life of an animal simply because of a memory.
[These rats were likely well cared for. Much like Heidi, or Ferdie. They were pets, as much as the snake. And Hubert clearly cared for them. If he didn't then he wouldn't have even asked. He'd have let them go long ago.]
They are welcome to stay. I will be fine. And they've done nothing wrong. Nor have you, my friend.
[It takes a moment, but she sets aside her teacup and rises, walking over to Hubert and putting her hand on his arm.]
Perhaps I could meet them. In stages. In...a cage at a distance, at first. But, if you've grown fond of them then they must have merits and I can, and should, overcome my fear of rodents.
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[But it had been right. Hubert might still have a long way to go, but he was paying far closer attention to the troublemakers now.]
[Edelgard's answer, though... Hubert blinks, his brow furrowing slightly.]
You would... wish to meet them?
[He's at a loss for words, for the moment. That was not an answer he'd considered. But, considering the agreement he'd made with Leslie... perhaps this was addressable, too. How fitting, the two of them wanting to work on their fears at the same time. Perhaps later, he'd even suggest they speak to each other about the process.]
They are... infuriatingly clever. [Because of course their greatest merit would be intelligence. He was always drawn to that.] I knew rats were, to some degree, but I did not expect the depth of their resourcefulness.
[He pauses thoughtfully.] Perhaps, for now, I could merely speak of them? As a way of easing you into the idea.
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The only way to overcome fear is to face it. It may be a challenge, but I will overcome that fear.
[She will not be ruled by emotion. She will face her fear, it will pass over and through her, and only she will remain. She can do this. However, his suggestion is a wise one. There's no sense in rushing into anything, and she nods once more, with increasing confidence.]
That would be best, though. Once I'm familiar with them, I'll be more easily able to accept them without trouble.
A wise idea.
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[Hubert lifts a hand to touch her arm in turn, a brief acknowledgement, before breaking away to seat himself at the table.]
Their names are Dust and Cara, [he begins.] Dust is grey, fittingly, and the other brown and white. Originally I bought them for alchemy. Their senses of smell are delicate enough to detect traces of certain compounds that I would otherwise have no hope of discovering.
[A... very clinical introduction, but Hubert was like that.]
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[Edelgard does understand, academically, magic and alchemy even if she's hardly able to practice here. It is an oddly specific thing to gather these creatures for, but certainly understandable.]
How do they communicate what they detect to you?
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[He pauses briefly. Hubert's not quite sure what to say about them.]
Domestic rats and wild ones are rather different, I should clarify—not unlike cats. These are a little larger because of their steady diet and health, and they are very social creatures. The man that sold them to me insisted I take at least a pair. Apparently, many do very poorly alone.
They are also remarkably clever. [And there it is. It's faint, but there is a flicker of fondness in the Bond.] I've been training them to do more—simple things. Dust in particular takes to puzzles well.
[He chuckles. Hubert doesn't even realize his voice has warmed a little.] That troublemaker has even taken to figuring some things out on her own. She'd gotten out, once, without me realizing it. She brought me a pen she'd found on the floor; my guess is because she's never seen them anywhere else but with me.
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[Edelgard takes her seat again, collecting her teacup and taking a sip. It's easy enough to listen to him talk, and to imagine cute little creatures. The bond helps, his clear fondness for them shining through.
Perhaps...this is a problem that can be solved. It will take time, yes, but she feels more at ease than when it started already.]
A pen, you say? That is impressive. You think she's taken a liking to you, then? It would seem so.
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[That's all there is to it, clearly.]
They are entirely motivated by their treats. Dust likely thought she could earn one by returning the pen.
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[It's a simple question that just slips out.]
I know Ferdie is the same way. Heidi, though, is not. She simply demands treats.
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[Hubert shifts, leaning back a little in his chair.]
...I suppose I did. [He absolutely did.] The rat might not be able to discern what is helpful and what isn't, but if she takes to bringing me out of place things, it could be beneficial at some point.
[And certainly not because there was an amusing novelty to Dust putting two and two together on her own.]
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[Edelgard has no hesitation in saying that, now. She's relaxed a bit as she leans back, settling into the conversation. Yes, it's about rats, but she can manage.]
Hopefully it's less troublesome that Heidi. She brought me a dead lizard the other night. Strange show of affection, that.
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Mm. I would've thought you were accustomed to that by now.
[Hubert shakes his head.] Dust is her own brand of troublesome. I... admit the reason I've been reluctant to take them out of the cellar for anything is that she... is something of an escape artist. It's hardly been an issue since I've begun giving her puzzles and exercise, but I never could discern how she was doing it. [There's a flash of frustration, there—and something that was deeply impressed.] I refuse to be outsmarted by a rodent.
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[Usually it's been bugs. Apparently she's graduated to some bigger prey, now. The perils of having to compete with Leslie's cat for game, she supposes.]
You...hmm.
[Okay, that makes her smile. The frustration there, and the fondness.]
Hubert, I believe you've been taking my advice to heart and finding ways to open yourself up.
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[The follow-up does render him silent for a few beats. Hubert bridges his fingers together, glancing aside thoughtfully to hide the flicker of sheepishness.]
...It isn't without difficulty, [He answers after a time. Great difficulty. He couldn't have chosen a rougher starting point with Dust and Cara, really.] And you give me too much credit. I had not intended for them to become... pets. [It sort of just happened, crept up on him so slowly he hadn't noticed.] That they are rats, of all things, took considerable time to accept.
[He's only spent half of his life killing them on sight, after all. Wild ones, anyway—not that the Hubert of even a few months ago would've made the distinction. But he had accepted them, despite knowing what symbols they were.]
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That you took the time at all is a surprise, Hubert. And that you considered it difficult to even tell me, presumably for fear of me asking you to be rid of them, is another little indication that I'm right.
[Reaching out, she pats his hand with her own gloved one, beaming at him.]
I'm glad.
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[Hubert slowly turns his hand over underneath hers, both an offer and an acceptance of her words.]
I hardly think I realized I was doing such, at first. It wasn't difficult to continually rationalize reasons to keep them around. But... yes, you are right. I would rather not sell them off.
[His own words are a little surreal. That Hubert's first response would be to rehome them than kill the rats, had Edelgard rejected them, was something he'd never imagined. That in itself was a tremendous step.]
It's... strange. I've never felt the impulse to keep pets before. [He shakes his head slightly. Hubert's already asked, but part of him still couldn't believe the answer.] You... truly wish to meet them, sometime?
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I would indeed.
[Her fingers curl around his, gentle and light.]
I should not live in fear of something so ultimately harmless. I would be glad to. I should not stop attempting to learn and grow, even here. And that would be a bit of growth. Facing my fear...moving beyond my traumas. I think that will be important.
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[Still, a ghost of a smile graces his face, and though his eyes remain thoughtfully averted, that sense of warmth fills the Bond again, directed at Edelgard.]
I see. When you are ready, tell me. I would be happy to facilitate this.
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[She can do this. She will do this. She won't let fear beat her.]
Thank you, Hubert, for all the consideration you've shown me regarding this. But, you don't need to worry about me being bothered by your pets.
[It is easy to gloss over the fact that this clearly bothered him, but she's not of a mind to ignore it. It's progress for both of them.]
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It is nothing to thank me for. It is the very least I could do, seeing as I did not consult you when purchasing them in the first place.
[Hubert chuckles.]
Ah, but it seems I do owe Leslie an apology. I told her she was not allowed to select a rat when we first discussed familiars.